"You Got To Do What You Got To Do"
My Experience As A Caregiver
Taking Care Of My Parents For Over Twenty Years

PREFACE

Chapter 1
INTRODUCTION

Chapter 2
FAMILY

Chapter 3
HISTORY

Chapter 4
DECISION TO BE A CAREGIVER
Faith And Family
Right From Wrong
How I Was Raised-Do What Was Right

Chapter 5
BEING A CAREGIVER
Not An Expert
Do What You Got To Do
You Know Your Parent
You Know Their Problems And Their Conditions
Unique Position

Chapter 6
WHAT OTHERS DO OR HAVE DONE
Every Person Is Different
Another Cousin Had Help
Each Situation Is Different

Chapter 7
RESPONSIBILITY OF BEING A CAREGIVER
Your Responsibility
You Are Responsible For Everything
At Your Own Risk
I Took Responsibility

Chapter 8
LAWS AND BEING A CAREGIVER
State Laws Vary
Health Insurance Portability And Accountability Act
Pre-Admit Hospital Inspections

Chapter 9
MEDICARE AND INSURANCE
Medicare
Supplement Insurance
Under Obamacare
What Medicare And Insurance Pay
Not Knowing What Insurance Will Pay
At Their Discretion
Medically Necessary
Cosmetic
Saved Medicare Money

Chapter 10
GOVERNMENT AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Social Security
Government Intrusion
New Doctor Rules

Chapter 11
HEALTH CONDITIONS AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Arthritis
Pain
Dehydration
Loss Of Appetite
Cholesterol
Sugar And Diabetes
Confusion
Staring Into Space Look
Cancer
Lifting Legs Up
Leg Circulation In The Car
No Feeling In Toes
Leg And Feet Skin Dry, Needed Lotion

Chapter 12
MEDICAL PROCEDURES, TESTS AND DIAGNOSIS
Diagnosis And Problems
Lab And Test Results
MRI’s
Diagnostic Results
Surgeries
Colostomy Bag

Chapter 13
FIRST TIME DOING PROCEDURES
Not A Medical Professional Or Claim To Be
Go Where You Never Wanted To Go
Sight Of Your Parents Body
Sight Of Body Fluids
Sight Of Blood
Being Squeamish
I’m Going In
First Time Cleaning Up
First Time Wound Care

Chapter 14
CAREGIVING ROUTINES AND PROCEDURES
Ways To Call You
Telephone And Items Near The Bed
Sleeping
Calls To 911

Chapter 15
ADVICE AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Caregiver Advisors Rarely Were Caregivers
Different When It’s Your Parent
Some Are Neglected
Ask For Advice
What Works Best For You
Ask Questions
Easier To Put Away
Others Wanted To Pay To Put Her Away
Never Went To A Support Group

Chapter 16
RELIGION AND FAITH

Chapter 17
ATTITUDES AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Attitude
Need Something To Look Forward To
Don’t Let Them Just Stare Out A Window
Will To Live
Stubbornness
Old Stereotypes

Chapter 18
HYGIENE AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Hygiene
Washing Up At The Table
Plastic Shoe Box
Soapy Towel
Dentures
Finger Nails
Toe Nails
Podiatrist
Cleaning Wipes
Diaper Rash

Chapter 19
APPETITE AND FOOD WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Appetite And Food
Nutrition
Alcoholic Drinks

Chapter 20
MEDICATIONS AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Prescriptions
Narcotic Prescriptions
Taking Medications
Side Effects Of Pain Medication
Expired Medications

Chapter 21
BODILY FUNCTIONS AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Smells And Odors
Feces Smell
Fluids And Functions
Incontinence
Constipation
Diarrhea
Vomiting
Catheter

Chapter 22
STAYING FOCUSED AND KEEPING THE MIND SHARP
Keeping The Mind Sharp
Talk About Old Times And The Past
Memories

Chapter 23
POSITIVE OUTLOOK AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Your Attitude
Humor
Nicknames

Chapter 24
ACTIVITIES AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Entertainment
Baseball/Sports
Television-Radio-Music
Clubs
Associations
Banquets
Outdoor Activities
Outdoor Nighttime Activities

Chapter 25
CHORES AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Chores
Let Them Help
Food Preparation
Folding Clothes
Doing The Checkbook
Shredding Papers
Want To Do Things Themselves

Chapter 26
THEIR LOSS OF INDEPENDENCE
Loss Of Independence
Privacy
Loss Of Drivers License
Vision Loss
Hearing Loss
Memory Loss
Being Independent

Chapter 27
MENTAL STATE AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Start As A Baby, End As A Baby
Don’t Treat As A Baby
Sitting In A Corner
Ignored
Frustration
Not Being Aware Of Surroundings
Nightmares
Visions
Nervousness
Anxious
Not Listening
No One Wants To Be Around An Old Person
Sitting By Themselves
They Get Emotional, Hurt Feelings

Chapter 28
EMBARRASSMENT AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Awkward Situations
Embarrassment
Apologizing For Rude Comments
Your Embarrassment

Chapter 29
SUPPLIES USED WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Supplies
Diapers And Pads
Perianal Cream
Circulation Socks

Chapter 30
EQUIPMENT USED WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Tools And Accessories To Make Things Easier
Wheelchairs
Medical Equipment Rental
Durable Medical Equipment

Chapter 31
TECHNOLOGY AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Smart Phones
Didn’t Start Texting Until My Mom’s Last Hospital Visit
Internet
Blogs

Chapter 32
LIFTING AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Lifting
Lifting And The Fear Of Falling
Lifting, Pulling And Helping

Chapter 33
TRANSPORTATION AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Transportation Issues
Being In Public
Cover Them While Moving
In The Car
Mobility
Water
Go-Bag
Maneuvering The Wheelchair
Doctors Offices

Chapter 34
BEING PREPARED AS A CAREGIVER
Be Prepared For Anything
Have A Plan
Medical And Medication Lists
Accessories, Extra Clothes And Clean Up Bag
Have A Disaster Plan
Know What To Do For All Situations

Chapter 35
HEALTH RISKS AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Health Exposure Risks
Germs
Contagious Diseases
Elevators And Confined Spaces
Always Wash Your Hands

Chapter 36
PRECAUTIONS WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Don’t Tell You Everything
Don’t Know What Is Safe
Don’t Scold Them
Don’t Put Them Down
Defensive When Told What To Do
You Can’t Be Rigid, You Must Be Flexible
Mental Abuse

Chapter 37
YOUR INJURIES WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Pneumonia
Back Problems

Chapter 38
SAFETY AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Your Safety
Furniture Hazards
Unstable Walking

Chapter 39
YOUR HOME AND BEING A CAREGIVER
House Cleaning
Home Maintenance
Clogged Plumbing
Handicap Friendly Home
Home Retrofits

Chapter 40
CONCERNS AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Watch Out For Falls
Bruises
Can’t Taste And Smell
Bad Food
Not Aware Of People
Target For Crime
Taken Advantage Of
Cousin Pushed Wheelchair And Ground Toes

Chapter 41
WHAT TO WATCH FOR WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Warning Signs And What To Watch For
Signs Of Trouble

Chapter 42
TAKING RISKS WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Self Medication
Self Diagnosis
Staying In Cars
Use To Leave In Car
Doing What You’re Not Supposed To Do

Chapter 43
CHALLENGES AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Unique Challenges
Being Scared
What Do You Say
Doctors And I Agreed Not To Tell My Dad, Then A Nun Did
Moving
Medical Conditions After We Moved
Handling Bad News

Chapter 44
FAMILY VISITS AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Family Visits
Grand And Great Grandchildren Visits
Get Togethers
Played Games With Her
Grandsons Would Come Up Just To Spend Time With Their Grandmother

Chapter 45
DEALING WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Some Family Members
A Pariah
Old Grudges
Siblings
Family Close By
Jealousy
Argued With Siblings
Not A Man’s Job
Let The Hospital Staff Do It
Would Get Upset When She Heard Talk About Putting Her In A Home
How Different Siblings Can Be
Some Family Members Try To Control Others, Think They’re More Important
Forgive And Forget
Ok For Others To Back Their Parents, Not Ok For Me To Back Mine
Had Some Good Friends

Chapter 46
DOCUMENTATION AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Attorney
Estate
Durable Power Of Attorney For Medical
DNR-Do Not Resuscitate
Write Everything Down
Witnesses
Paperwork
Still Able To Sign Documents
They Were The Responsible Party

Chapter 47
ASSISTANCE AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Assistance Programs
Handicap Parking Placard
Financial Assistance
Utility Company Discounts

Chapter 48
PLANNING AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Long Term Planning
No Planning
Deal With Each Situation As It Happens
Average Person Equals No Future Planning
If Your Rich, Maybe Not
Plan If I Died, What Would Happen To Her
Nothing Goes As Planned

Chapter 49
BURDEN OF BEING A CAREGIVER
Burden
Not Going To Change
At That Age, Let Them Have What They Want
Don’t Affect Health
Don’t Try To Limit Them
They Earned It
Takes Over Entire Life
White Lies

Chapter 50
YOUR LIFE AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Your Health
Stress
Break Time
Your Hobbies
Time Off And Time To Relax
Getting Normal Sleep
Naps
High Blood Pressure
Your Medical Procedures

Chapter 51
YOUR HABITS AND ROUTINES WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Daily Routines
Weather Conditions
Snow And Ice
Hot And Cold-Heating And Cooling
If They Can Be Left Alone
Many More Situations
Explain Using Examples
Pets
Common Sense

Chapter 52
NO SUPPORT WHILE BEING A CAREGIVER
Plan On No Help
No Support, Just Criticism
Still Criticized Today

Chapter 53
FINANCIAL COST OF BEING A CAREGIVER
Costs
Expenses
Utility Usage
Paying For Your Own Supplies
People Have No Clue How Much This Costs
What You Can Afford

Chapter 54
WHAT YOU LEARN BEING A CAREGIVER
A Learning Experience For Both
Things Change As You Learn And Adapt
Sleeping With One Ear Open
Easier For A Son To Take Care Of His Father
Son Taking Care Of His Mother Is Different

Chapter 55
RESPECT AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Respect
Neighbor Would Bring Over Cake And Candy
Other Neighbors Walking By Showed Respect
I’m Old Fashioned And Kids Need To Show Respect

Chapter 56
CRITICISM AND COMPLAINTS
Some Will Say This Is Wrong
Nursing Students Wanted To See How A Proper Cared Parent Looked
Use As What Not To Do, Or As To Do
Nobody Else Cares What You Do
Not Their Concern
People Praise You Because They Are Glad It’s Not Them
Those That Mean It Are The Ones That Offer To Help
Momma’s Boy
Everyone Knows Better
You Become The Villain For Doing What Is Right
Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t
Always Criticized

Chapter 57
OPINIONS ABOUT THE JOB YOU ARE DOING
Making It Harder Than It Should Be
Like Usual, No One Wants To Listen
Your Frustration
Some Never Have To Go Through This
Unless You’ve Done It, You Have No Idea
I’m Done

Chapter 58
ADVICE TO OTHERS
Family Has No Clue What’s Coming
Talk To Your Spouse Or Significant Other
Stress On Relationships
No Idea How Much Work It Is
How Much Time It Takes
No One Wants Advice
Taste Of My Own Medicine
People Can Take My Advice Or Not
I Don’t Get Upset
You Will Know And Learn How To Handle Unique Situations

Chapter 59
OBSERVING OTHERS AFTER BEING A CAREGIVER
Some Know Everything
Some Want To Change Them
Some Want To Control Them
No Longer The Center Of Attention
Some Can’t Handle It
Some Call Them Useless
Only Thinking Of Themselves
Selfish

Chapter 60
DOCTORS AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Doctors
Doctors Need To Work With You
Tell Doctors What You Need
Doctors Need To Earn Respect
A Doctor Is Like A Plumber
Firing A Doctor
Doctors Work For You
Doctors Talk Through Patient To You
They Get Upset When Ignored By Doctor

Chapter 61
HOME HEALTH AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Social Workers
Home Nurses

Chapter 62
DEALING WITH MEDICAL FACILITIES AND PROFESSIONALS
Hospitals
Rehabilitation
Physical Therapy
Hospitalization
Bruises From Hospital
Bad Patient
Jewelry And Personal Belongings
Identification
Hospice

Chapter 63
WOUND CARE AND BEING A CAREGIVER
Wound Care
De-Breeding A Wound

Chapter 64
WHEN THE END COMES
The End
Right After The End
Dad Died In The Hospital, Mom Died At Home

Chapter 65
AFTER THE FUNERAL
The Aftermath
Life Moves On
Never Had A Chance To Grieve
Your Future

Chapter 66
MY LIFE WAS CHANGED BEING A CAREGIVER
Your Life Changes
Life Is Never The Same
Loss Of Friends And Family

Chapter 67
WHAT YOU GIVE UP BEING A CAREGIVER
No Social Life
Lost Everything
Lived On Survivor Benefit
Refinanced House Many Times
Unused Retirement
Refrigerator Bare
Don’t Let Others Know
Putting Up A Good Front
Delay In Benefits
Went Through Savings
Monthly Expenses Kept Growing
Trying To Make Ends Meet
Garage Sales
Ruined Credit
I Tried To Earn A Living, She Always Had To Go
Total Cost-Personal And Financial
Nothing To Show For Your Work

Chapter 68
WHAT YOU LOSE FINANCIALLY BEING A CAREGIVER
Work Suffers
Unable To Gain Employment
Out Of The Workforce
Loss Of Health Insurance
Obamacare Fines

Chapter 69
PUTTING YOUR LIFE BACK TOGETHER
Lots Of Sacrifice
My Own Situation
Without Bad Luck I Would Have No Luck
Facing The Unknown
Not Bitter
Trying Quick Fixes
I Have No Life And No Future
It Took Its Toll
It’s A Different World And It Passed Me By
Never Thought I Would End Up This Way
I Am Very Direct, Like Me Or Hate Me, I Stand On Principle
I Have A Purpose, My Life Doesn’t End This Way
Friends Using You Until You Can No Longer Help Them
I Had Plans And They Failed To Materialize

Chapter 70
MOVING ON
Still Fighting
Finally Said Enough
A Failure
Some Say My Life Is Messed Up
I Probably Hurt Myself More By Writing This Book

Chapter 71
THANKLESS BUT REWARDING JOB
Somethings Are Different, Somethings Never Change
Put Yourself In Their Shoes
When I’m Gone
Love And Care
Quality Of Life
I’ve Done It

Chapter 72
KEPT DIGNITY AND PROMISES
Do It All Over Again
Conclusion
Final Thoughts


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