You Got To Do What You Got To Do

Holidays and Being A Caregiver of your Parents

The end of the year also means the holidays and this can be a stressful time for being the caregiver of your parents. For some depression arises during the holidays because they can’t do what they have done in the past. Another problem that can rise up is that it can also be a sad time for your parent. If they have lost their spouse, a child, sibling or other family member the holidays can cause them to reflect on those losses.

The holidays can become stressful for you as the caregiver because you try to do more jobs than you would normally do. You try to prepare for the holidays for yourself and then you also try to help your parent prepare as well. This could mean taking them to the store to purchase gifts, help writing out cards, phone calls, text messages or other electronic greetings. You try to make it as normal as possible for them which means added work for you. If they are not capable of actively participating in the holidays you make take it on yourself to try to get them involved and remind them what the holidays are about.

During the holidays your parent can also become a little melancholy because they think of loved ones that have passed away and of earlier times. This would happen when I was caring for my mom, she would be sad during the holidays because she missed my dad. The way I handled this situation was to talk about the times we all had together. We would remember fun times with my dad and sisters and this would make my mom feel better. We would then talk about my sisters, her grandchildren and how soon she would see them and her great grandchildren. This would always turn the sadness into a happier situation. My mom was lucky because she had children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. For those that don’t have any grandchildren or relatives it can be a challenging situation but as their caregiver you try your best to keep their spirits up so they do not get depressed.

The holidays can be a mix of emotions for your parents as you are caring for them. As their caregiver you know them best and how to handle the happy and sad times. Try to keep them involved with the events, if their health allows it and do your best not to let them feel forgotten. Also during this time, as their caregiver, don’t over do it and make yourself sick or get hurt. Take your time and be careful because you are no only caring for your parents you need to make sure you care for yourself.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

James Colozzo
Author-“You Got To Do What You Got To Do”
www.takingcareofaparent.com

James Colozzo is not a medical expert or professional and has no formal training or education on this subject. He is an average person that was given a challenge and had to deal with the situation. His experience comes from the over 20 years that he actually did all the work to care for his elderly parents and their medical conditions. Since every person, condition and situation is different, what Mr. Colozzo did to care for his parents might not be suitable for others. You need to partner with your physician to find what type of care is best for your situation.
Copyright © 2019 James Colozzo

To make a comment please email author@takingcareofaparent.com

November is National Family Caregivers Month

November is National Family Caregivers Month which means this is a good time to discuss the options available for your elderly parents long term care.

Don’t wait for an “emergency” such as a heart attack or stroke to decide what to do when your parents need long term care. When this happens you have to make the decision quick, usually in a few days, which doesn’t give you much time to decide what is best for your parent or yourself. Remember insurance does not cover everything which also means there could be a huge financial expense for you or your parents.

This is a good time to discuss with your parents what they want and need for their long term care needs. You need to find out if they have a plan for who is going to care for them such as assisted living, a private caregiver, staying in their own home, etc. or they might think that you might become their caregiver and want to move in with you in the later years. This all needs to be discussed before the “emergency” happens. You need to decide if you can become a caregiver due to the enormous amount of work and time that is involved. Becoming a caregiver is a life changing experience and can alter your lifestyle in many ways. If you have a family it can put more pressure on you as you try to care for children and your parents.

Financial pressure is also a major concern especially if your parents have little or no assets. Medicare, supplement insurance and long term care insurance does not cover everything, so some expenses will have to come out of your parents pocket or yours if they have no money. Another financial consideration is that if they have assets, what happens if they live longer and the money runs out, who makes up the difference? Where do they live if they no longer can afford assisted living? Financial aid programs might be available but what happens if they don’t qualify?

There are many questions that need to be considered when planning your parents long term care. That is why they need to be discussed before your parents have an “emergency” so you can learn what options are best for them and yourself. Since November is National Family Caregivers Month, this is a good reminder to start the discussion so you can be prepared for the “emergency” and not be blind sided by all the details that need a decision in a short time.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

James Colozzo
Author-“You Got To Do What You Got To Do”
www.takingcareofaparent.com

James Colozzo is not a medical expert or professional and has no formal training or education on this subject. He is an average person that was given a challenge and had to deal with the situation. His experience comes from the over 20 years that he actually did all the work to care for his elderly parents and their medical conditions. Since every person, condition and situation is different, what Mr. Colozzo did to care for his parents might not be suitable for others. You need to partner with your physician to find what type of care is best for your situation.
Copyright © 2019 James Colozzo

To make a comment please email author@takingcareofaparent.com

A Topic Not Discussed

Some want to become caregivers and others it is a cultural issue to take care of their parents. Many others have no choice but to actually care for their parents. There is no money for any of the other options. This is being done on a daily basis by tens of thousands of people. They feed them, dress them, change the diapers, wash them and clean up the big messes. All without any fanfare or recognition.

Most advertising about caring for a parent is supported by senior associations, assisted living center and home care agencies telling you what you should do. They hire celebrities to talk about what they did and how they know what’s best for the rest of us. Why do they know best, because they are famous, got paid for the advertising or they can afford other options? Did they actually do the work to care for their parent? Celebrities talk about being a caregiver. I don’t want to be mean but do they actually change the diapers, give their parent a bath, clean them after a bad bowel movement? Or did they hire a nurse, caregiver or personal tech to do those jobs. I’m sure some have actually done some of the work but most because of their position probably can hire someone to do the disgusting jobs.

That is one of the reasons I wrote my book because no one represents the average person. With the senior associations you have no credibility because you have no verified credentials and are not part of the establishment. It is so hard for an unknown that has actually done the work to get their point across. That’s why my book is self published and self marketed. I could not get anyone to listen to my story even though it is a challenge that is happening everyday in tens of thousands of homes. Most associations and media organizations are not interested in regular people. I have contacted hundreds of media outlets and have had success with a few that thought my story was interesting enough to their viewers. For those television stations I am extremely grateful. Others have absolutely no interest or want you to pay to get access to their television shows. If I was famous or a celebrity I would be on television and radio stations across the country even if I didn’t do the work to care for my parents. But being an average person, you don’t get the time of day.

Well I’ve done the job and I feel I did it very well, just look at the result. My mom was not expected to survive long after her spine surgery and she did. She lasted 13 years longer than expected and was able to see her great grandchildren and be a part of their lives. That was because of the care she received and I was the one that gave her that care.

My goal is to inform as many people as possible of the real life challenge that might be ahead of them. I know the paperback is expensive and the book is not a great literary work but it is real life. It contains a lot of useful information that might help you in deciding to care for an elderly parent. The book details the burden and the enormous responsibility of being a caregiver. It is written by an average person that actually did all the work.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

James Colozzo
Author-“You Got To Do What You Got To Do”
www.takingcareofaparent.com

James Colozzo is not a medical expert or professional and has no formal training or education on this subject. He is an average person that was given a challenge and had to deal with the situation. His experience comes from the over 20 years that he actually did all the work to care for his elderly parents and their medical conditions. Since every person, condition and situation is different, what Mr. Colozzo did to care for his parents might not be suitable for others. You need to partner with your physician to find what type of care is best for your situation.
Copyright © 2019 James Colozzo

To make a comment please email author@takingcareofaparent.com

When I Became A Caregiver Of My Parents

Most never give it a thought until the later years on “who” might take care of them. This decision, most of the time, is made after an emergency such as a stroke or heart attack. In the hospital you have to make this decision in a matter of a few hours or days. In my situation, my mother woke up one morning and yelled she couldn’t get out of bed, on that day my life changed forever.

When this occurs you have very little time for discussion and you have to make the decision quick. Some want to become caregivers of their parents, some due to cultural reasons become caregivers and others have no choice and have to take care of their elderly parents. Also some parents do not want to go into assisted living and want to stay in their own home or with family.

I had no experience in being a caregiver. My father had a lung disease and when the disease turned into cancer it took it’s toll quickly. I started by lifting him out of bed and helping him around the house. This was basic care but as time went on it became more detailed such as washing, shaving and more. His disease advanced and caused him to be in and out of the hospital. I basically learned how to care for him while doing it.

A few years after my father passed away, my mom woke up one morning and said she could not stand. I became her caregiver and once again learned as we went along because this is a situation where everyone is different and what you learn about one might not work with another. What worked for my dad didn’t always work for my mom. Just as before it was a constant learning experience and it continued until my mom passed away.

The hardest part for me was that it never stopped. I was on duty 24 hours a day 7 days a week. If I wanted to take a break I would have to have someone stay with my mom. I would have to hire a caregiver to sit with her while I was gone. For me that was not an option because we did not have the money to hire someone to stay with her. Another problem was my mom did not like to have strangers in the house. It was a continuous job.

Being a caregiver also caused financial hardship. I had refinanced our home to cover expenses and also used credit cards. In fact I am still paying off the debt that I incurred while I was taking care of my mom even after I sold our house. I was lucky I was able to sell assets to cover some of the debt. Today a lot of people have no equity in their home, have no credit available or have no assets to sell.

Those of us in our 50’s and 60’s should use these examples to think about our future care.


Thank you for your time and consideration.

James Colozzo
Author-“You Got To Do What You Got To Do”
www.takingcareofaparent.com

James Colozzo is not a medical expert or professional and has no formal training or education on this subject. He is an average person that was given a challenge and had to deal with the situation. His experience comes from the over 20 years that he actually did all the work to care for his elderly parents and their medical conditions. Since every person, condition and situation is different, what Mr. Colozzo did to care for his parents might not be suitable for others. You need to partner with your physician to find what type of care is best for your situation.
Copyright © 2019 James Colozzo

To make a comment please email author@takingcareofaparent.com

Elderly Care Options

There are several options available for taking care of your elderly parents.

One is to put them into an assisted living facility. This is probably the most expensive option but it is also the least physical burden for the children. Your parents can start in an assisted living facility where they need little care and move to different parts of the facility as they need more care. The more services they need requires more expense. This can be paid by long term care insurance, the use of their retirement benefits and social security, the sale of a home or other assets, you making a monthly payment or some other financial arrangement. Most of the care is done by your parent until they need the staff to provide care.

A problem can arise when the money runs out and your parent or you can no longer afford the cost of care. Long Term Care Insurance usually sets a daily limit and anything over that limit come out of your parents pocket or your wallet.

If they want to remain in their home another option is home care and you hire a caregiver to come in and help them with their daily routines. This option is also very popular because others actually perform the care on your parent. Mom and dad stay in their home and a caregiver comes in on a daily basis to perform the care they need. Live in caregivers are also available but that is an expensive option. The cost can be paid by Long Term Care Insurance, Retirement and Social Security Benefits, Supplemental Insurance Benefits and depending on their condition, maybe Medicare. The other payment option is the sale of some assets, reverse mortgage, home equity loan or some other financial options. There is always the possibility that you might have to make some sort of payment to cover these services.

Once again a problem can arise when the money runs out and your parent or you can no longer afford the cost of care. Long Term Care Insurance, Supplemental Insurance and Medicare usually sets a daily limit and anything over that limit come out of your parents pocket or your wallet. If their condition worsens will their be benefits available to put your parents into an assisted living center. Will you be able to sell or borrow on their home to cover expenses?

Depending on how grave the condition, hospice care might be an option for end of life care. This seems to be a new way of taking care of the elderly. Before hospice was only for end of life care when there was no hope of recovery. More and more I am seeing people being put on hospice care when there is not an end of life concern. I’ve seen people put on hospice for Alzheimers disease, dementia and cancers when the patients had the will and wanted to fight the disease to get more time. Most of the time is was because the family did not know or want to care for the parent. They were looking for an easy way out

The option I chose was to become the caregiver. This might happen if your parents are living with you or neither of you can afford the other options. Cultural reason can also be another reason why some become caregivers of their parents. I decided I was going to care for my elderly parents because I was single and self employed. I was living with them and I felt it was my duty to care for them. My sisters had families and careers and I felt it was night right for the care of our parents to interfere with their lives. We also could not afford any of the other options. Long Term care insurance was never purchased, Medicare and Supplemental insurance covered very little as far as home care but they did cover the medical expense and some medical equipment. My shock was how fast it happened and how much work was involved. I had to do thing I never thought I could or would do. I tried to plan ahead but I had no idea what I was going to be involved. It became a full time 24 hours a day, 7 days a week job. It consumed my entire life and has affected me even today. I am still in the process of trying to rebuild my life after my mom passed away. It was definitely a life changing experience.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

James Colozzo
Author-“You Got To Do What You Got To Do”
www.takingcareofaparent.com

James Colozzo is not a medical expert or professional and has no formal training or education on this subject. He is an average person that was given a challenge and had to deal with the situation. His experience comes from the over 20 years that he actually did all the work to care for his elderly parents and their medical conditions. Since every person, condition and situation is different, what Mr. Colozzo did to care for his parents might not be suitable for others. You need to partner with your physician to find what type of care is best for your situation.
Copyright © 2019 James Colozzo

To make a comment please email author@takingcareofaparent.com

Not Everyone Can Afford A Caregiver For An Elderly Parent

You see and hear advertising on television, radio, print and online that tell you the best options for the care of your elderly parent, such as this assisted care facility or caregiver service. In many ads celebrities tell you what options are best. They are all trying to sell you a facility or service and are those options what you or your parent truly want?

Assisted living centers are expensive and the cost varies depending on the type of care needed. This is a great option if you and your parent can afford the cost. But what if you do not have enough money to afford this type of care or your parent wants to stay in their home or with you?

You can hire a caregiver. This is great if you have the funds to hire an outside agency or and independent but what happens when the funds run out? When you hire a home care company they provide the care for your parent. You pay a fee and they take care of the rest. You can even hire a live-in caregiver. Once again this costs money and is expensive.

Some try for government assistance to help with the cost but what happens if you don’t qualify?

What if you can’t afford any of these services? Not everyone has the funds or assets available to afford an assisted living center or to hire a company to care for their parents in their home. Not everyone can afford a nurse, caregiver or health technician to visit daily to care for their parents on a daily basis. The average person is living paycheck to paycheck and just getting by. The additional expense can lead to financial disaster.

There are a lot of us that had no choice but to actually care for our parents. There is no money for any of the other options. For some they want to care for their elderly parents, for others it is a cultural issue to take care of their parents and this is being done on a daily basis by tens of thousands of people. They feed them, dress them, change the diapers, wash them and clean up the big messes. All without any fanfare or recognition.

Today caregiving is a big business because there are so many elderly parents that need care. Many senior associations have gotten on the bandwagon with advertisements, programs, seminars and referrals. Assisted living centers have become the new rage in elderly living. Home care companies have sprung up all over the country touting their special services. Celebrities advertise on television and radio talking about their caregiving experiences with their elderly parents. Books are being written every day about being a caregiver. There are so many so-called experts on this subject it can make your head spin. One thing to remember is that there is a lot more to being a caregiver of a parent than just feeding them dinner. Now don’t get me wrong all this information is good because it’s highlighting a problem that most people don’t consider. Taking care of an elderly parent is a ticking time bomb that most people ignore until it happens and then they rush to make a decision without considering all the options and pitfalls.

I know you are asking yourself about my book, “Aren’t you one of these so-called experts?” The answer to that question is, “yes,” but I believe there is a difference. My book is not written about someone else or did I have someone else do the work for me. I actually did all the work in taking care of my parents. Unfortunately, nobody wants to hear from or listen to an unknown person that actually did the work. That’s why my book is self edited and published, it is real life.

So when you see the commercials for assisted living centers, home care companies, celebrities talking about their caregiving experience or books about caring for elderly parents. Think about what category you might fall into and consider what your situation might be with your elderly parents. Talk to them and start a discussion about their future care, what options are best and what you can afford.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

James Colozzo
Author-“You Got To Do What You Got To Do”
www.takingcareofaparent.com

James Colozzo is not a medical expert or professional and has no formal training or education on this subject. He is an average person that was given a challenge and had to deal with the situation. His experience comes from the over 20 years that he actually did all the work to care for his elderly parents and their medical conditions. Since every person, condition and situation is different, what Mr. Colozzo did to care for his parents might not be suitable for others. You need to partner with your physician to find what type of care is best for your situation.
Copyright © 2019 James Colozzo

To make a comment please email author@takingcareofaparent.com

Maintaining Privacy

We all take privacy for granted and it is not something you worry about. You take a shower or go to the bathroom, you close the door. You change your clothes, you do it behind closed doors. When you rely on someone to care for you, privacy is no longer taken for granted because, depending on the condition, it can be a safety issue.

Not only is privacy a concern for your parent it is for you too. One of the hardest things to do is to walk into a room and help your parent get dressed, help them with a bath or lift them off the toilet. It’s not just the loss of their privacy it is also hard for you to do because it’s your mom or dad and it’s embarrassing. Just remember it is more embarrassing for them because like most people they never thought they would ever be in this situation.
During the time I was caring for my parents I maintained as much privacy as possible. When my mom would receive phone calls from my sisters, family or friends I would leave the room so she could have some privacy. Once again you try to give them as much as a normal life as possible. All it means is stepping away and partially closing doors.

I also tried to give my mom as much privacy as I could with the normal routines. When she changed her clothes I would close the door most of the way but leave it open enough so I could hear her call. I would do the same when I put her in the shower chair. I would leave the bathroom and close the door part way. She would remove her dress and take her shower, dry herself off and put on another dress. She would call me and I would lift her out of the shower and put her in the wheelchair so she could finish, such as brushing her hair. In later years as she lost motor skills and balance I would have to do more, till finally I did everything. I did what I had to do.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

James Colozzo
Author-“You Got To Do What You Got To Do”
www.takingcareofaparent.com

James Colozzo is not a medical expert or professional and has no formal training or education on this subject. He is an average person that was given a challenge and had to deal with the situation. His experience comes from the over 20 years that he actually did all the work to care for his elderly parents and their medical conditions. Since every person, condition and situation is different, what Mr. Colozzo did to care for his parents might not be suitable for others. You need to partner with your physician to find what type of care is best for your situation.
Copyright © 2019 James Colozzo

To make a comment please email author@takingcareofaparent.com

Advice From Others

Over the years of taking care of my mom we came in contact with many so-called caregiving experts. Every time she was in the hospital someone would visit and tell us what was best or what we needed. The one thing that was common with all these so-called experts was that none of them had ever cared for a parent. The way I found out was I asked them directly if they ever took care of a parent. The answer was always the same, “No.” You are always told this is the best way to do this or that and when you listen to some of this advice you ask yourself, “Would I want to be treated like that?” Most of the time the answer is, “No,” and you realized the advice you have received made no sense. I started asking some people when they gave advice that I thought was ridiculous, “Would you do that to your mom?” Most of the time they would not answer the question and say, “I’m not in that situation,” or “I’ll deal with it when it happens,” or my favorite, “my mom is different.” Everyone’s situation is different so there is not a “one size fits all” mentality when it comes to being a caregiver. What works for someone else might not work for you. There are a lot of guides that tell you what is the best technique for many situations. There are also a lot of people that will offer advice on anything that you do.

During the course I was a caregiver I received a lot of advice. It came from doctors, registered nurses, licensed vocational nurses, home health nurses, rehabilitation specialists, lab technicians, pulmonary technicians, pharmacists, hospital social workers, dietitians, nutritionist and many others. If any healthcare professional gives you advice it is because they have seen numerous incidents of how people take care of a parent. Advice also came from friends and family. I always listened and asked myself if this advice would work in our situation. A lot of times it didn’t, but on the few occasions that it did, it made a difference in the way I was taking care of my mom and dad.

There is no harm in asking for advice because it might help you with your caregiving duties. Any advice that can make things better for your parent and easier for you can go a long way into maintaining the quality of life for both of you. One thing to remember is that because every situation is different, the book is still being written on how to be a caregiver and it will never be finished.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

James Colozzo
Author-“You Got To Do What You Got To Do”
www.takingcareofaparent.com

James Colozzo is not a medical expert or professional and has no formal training or education on this subject. He is an average person that was given a challenge and had to deal with the situation. His experience comes from the over 20 years that he actually did all the work to care for his elderly parents and their medical conditions. Since every person, condition and situation is different, what Mr. Colozzo did to care for his parents might not be suitable for others. You need to partner with your physician to find what type of care is best for your situation.
Copyright © 2019 James Colozzo

To make a comment please email author@takingcareofaparent.com